I've explained quite a lot about STonk and how she ended up doing what she's doing, but I haven't really said much about me. I'm 39, and an accountant by profession, although I'm currently working as a manager in an IT company. I despise my job and everybody I work for (although the people I work with are very nice), but that's another story, and shall be told another time. I'm British - half English, half Scottish - but have lived roughly half my life outside the UK in Hong Kong, Germany (twice) and the Netherlands (twice). STonk is German and the kids were born and have been raised (thus far) in the Netherlands. The time I did spend in the UK was pretty piecemeal - a couple of years here, a couple of years there, so really, the only home I have is where I'm currently hanging my hat. That has advantages and disadvantages, of course, but by and large I don't wish things had been different.
The other thing that you probably should know about me is that I'm fat, and have been pretty much all my life. There have been times when I've been fatter than I am now, and times when I've been considerably less fat, but I've never, ever been what you might call slim. Even my teenage years were a constant battle against the bulge.
Honestly, I don't beat myself up about it. Indeed, since I left school and started work and nobody really gave a shit any more, I've been very comfortable in my own skin. I did the whole "be funny so that people don't notice you're overweight" thing at school, otherwise I'd have been bullied far more than I was, and I must admit it's a pain to be right at the outside edge of mainstream clothes sizes, but it's never really been a big deal for me. Well, let's put it this way: if it had been a big deal for me, I'd have done something about it. And I didn't. So it wasn't. I am a singer in a band and an amateur thespian who absolutely loves the limelight, so it hasn't held me back, confidence-wise, that's for sure.
To be fair, my weight is pretty stable. I weigh the same as I did a year ago, and the same as two years ago, too - although I've been up and down roughly eight kilos in each direction in the meantime. It's just that my "normal" weight is around twenty-five kilos (fifty-five pounds) higher than it should be, medically speaking. So far, I've got away with that - although there are some symptoms of obesity for which I'm already taking medication - but I'm aware that, as I approach my fortieth birthday, I probably can't ignore it for too much longer. It's placing strain on my cardio-vascular system that I will be less and less equipped to deal with as time goes by. Also, I have two young children now and I'd quite like to a) be able to do stuff with them without getting knackered in five minutes flat and b) be around to see my grandchildren.
So, I agree with STonk that I need to lose weight. It doesn't worry me nearly as much as it worries her, and I need far less immediate results than she needs, but we're, broadly speaking, facing in the same direction. That's fine - losing weight is easy. Eat less, exercise more, watch the pounds drop off. Ta-daaaaa!
Yeah, I know, it's not that simple, right? Well, yes and no. It really does happen like that for me. I went to Chicago on holiday this year - I'm a huge fan of the Chicago Cubs and have lots of friends in the city, so I sometimes go there for a week by myself and eat, drink and watch baseball. It's an amazing city filled with - Kuma's Corner, Ann Sather, Hot Doug's, Big & Little's, Portillo's, Pork Shoppe, anybody? - amazing restaurants and friendly bars serving a breathtaking array of American craft beers. What's not to like?
Well, apart from, you know... putting on around a kilo (2 pounds) a day while I'm there. Well, that's okay, too because within a week of the end of the holiday I'm back where I started, weight-wise. It drives STonk up the wall because she has to really beat herself up to lose the odd ounce here and there, but what can I say? It's easy for me.
Except that simply losing weight isn't enough. Particularly living here in the Netherlands, where the diet is amongst the worst in the developed World - really, shockingly bad - even eating what a Dutchman would consider "normal" is pretty unhealthy. Bear in mind that I tend to diet by cutting corners (and meals) rather than, say, eating lots of salad, and the situation gets even worse.
Much of what the Dutch eat is wheat-based, and fried in polyunsaturated fat. What isn't wheat-based is dairy based, and made with pasteurised milk. A "broodje gezond" (healthy sandwich) is one made with (very often white) bread; PUFA-laden, plastic, butter-style "spread"; processed meat; processed, pasteurised cheese; and a smattering of non-organic salad for your daily dose of pesticides and fertilisers. The whole country is one big allergen, and it's incredibly difficult to avoid - partially because they're so blissfully unaware of anything else that the shops have a very poor selection of genuinely healthy food, and partially because so much of their wheat- and dairy-based food is actually really bloody delicious.
So, it's challenging. I'm trying to lose weight AND get my daily intake of organic meat and vegetables whilst also avoiding gluten at all costs, dairy as much as possible (and pasteurised dairy altogether), too many starchy vegetables or pulses, PUFAs or any heated oil that isn't coconut or animal fat, non-filtered water, processed sugar, and too many other grains (rice, quinoa). And I have to do ALL this whilst preparing delicious meals that my six-year old son (HTonk) and four-year old daughter (ATonk) will actually want to eat. Any idea how difficult it is to squeeze child-friendly flavours out of that list of must-nots?
Where am I going with this? Well, honestly, I'm not really sure except to point out how really, really bloody difficult being really, really healthy is, particularly living where we do. People look at you like you're crazy. I guess I just want to have a rant about it, and possibly even convince myself that I really am on the right path. I am, right? This makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, I can hardly enjoy that Kuma's Corner burger once in a while if I'm dead at the age of 45 from a heart attack or colon cancer. Right?
Right. This is actually a way of maximising my long-term intake of Ann Sather cinnamon rolls and beer, whilst sacrificing them a little bit in the short- and medium-term. When you put it that way, it almost seems like it's fun! Yeah! Right, I'm off to eat mung beans and seaweed for lunch. See you tomorrow.
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